"It wasn't me, it was the wrong person!"
"I should've stayed home and drank tea"
"I bought four cocktails for us, but they didn't want them so I did the very responsible thing and skulled all of them myself..."
Outside our apartment: "No I can't go in there, I'm too drunk, I'll be kicked out"
"Can we go and eat bad, greasy buffé food now?"
Summary: I had a very smashed boyfriend coming home last night, escorted.